ok, so i am a sophmore in high school and was assigned to write a 2-3 page narrative short story. I really, really, really hate writing and wanted some of ur guys feedback,comments, advice, ect on the paper so far.It would also be cool if one of you guys just wrote it for me, jk i wish. well here it is:
Thelanding craft sways and buckles as it groans towards its target, a heavilyfortified Japanese held island. Up above, the grey sky is filled with themuffled explosions of artillery softening up the dug in die hard defenders. Ayoung marine within the vehicle vomits up nothing up but bitter sweet bile, theresult of nerve-wrecking anxiousness. The cold sea spray fill his nostrils ashe takes a deep breath to clear his mind for the daunting task at hand, it maybe one of his last. He takes a look at the men around him, and sees faces muchlike his; young, tired, and determined, but behind it all, raw fear.
Hehears the order to clear the ramp as they will hit the beach within thirtyseconds, his mind begins to race. He thinks of why he’s here, why he had tochoose the marines out of all the services. He knows the answer; it’s becauseof his older brother. He had always aspired to be as great as him whether whenhe was the star running back of the high school football team or when, as soonas he was out of high school, he enlisted in the army to serve his country. He joined the marines to show to everyone thathe can be as tough if not tougher as his older brother.
Theramp goes down and the men rush out to find cover, bullets tear through their frailbodies as half are cut down. The remaining men find cover behind anything theycan on the barren beachhead. The sound of explosions andbullets cracking through the air are punctuated by the agonizing screams of thedying and wounded. As the marine is hiding behind the remnants of a burninglanding craft, the world slows down as all the sound is drained out and a dead ringingis replaced with it.
Thelanding craft sways and buckles as it groans towards its target, a heavilyfortified Japanese held island. Up above, the grey sky is filled with themuffled explosions of artillery softening up the dug in die hard defenders. Ayoung marine within the vehicle vomits up nothing up but bitter sweet bile, theresult of nerve-wrecking anxiousness. The cold sea spray fill his nostrils ashe takes a deep breath to clear his mind for the daunting task at hand, it maybe one of his last. He takes a look at the men around him, and sees faces muchlike his; young, tired, and determined, but behind it all, raw fear.
Hehears the order to clear the ramp as they will hit the beach within thirtyseconds, his mind begins to race. He thinks of why he’s here, why he had tochoose the marines out of all the services. He knows the answer; it’s becauseof his older brother. He had always aspired to be as great as him whether whenhe was the star running back of the high school football team or when, as soonas he was out of high school, he enlisted in the army to serve his country. He joined the marines to show to everyone thathe can be as tough if not tougher as his older brother.
Theramp goes down and the men rush out to find cover, bullets tear through their frailbodies as half are cut down. The remaining men find cover behind anything theycan on the barren beachhead. The sound of explosions andbullets cracking through the air are punctuated by the agonizing screams of thedying and wounded. As the marine is hiding behind the remnants of a burninglanding craft, the world slows down as all the sound is drained out and a dead ringingis replaced with it.